4D Discoveries, Johnny Cash, and Psalms 3

At this point, I have flown down to M & D’s house once (over spring break), M has flown to my house once, and most recently M, D, and their daughter W have made the long drive to my house once to attend the 7 month 4D ultrasound. That happened last week, and they stayed in my parents’ guesthouse. It was so nice to have both of our families together; my brother, his wife, and their baby girl came down to my parents house as well, so everyone got to meet/know each other and hang out a bit. Although this is a hard situation, this is the best possible way that it could play out and I am grateful to God for that.

The 4D ultrasound was a great experience. Everyone working at the doctor’s office is aware of my adoption plan, and they all seem to be quite intrigued over it. I take any opportunity I can to present adoption in a positive light these days, and I am hoping after LM is born I will be able to place some brochures or information about adoption in the doctor’s office. Every time I go to a doctor’s appointment without M and/or D in tow, the nurses, receptionists, financial advisor, and my wonderful doctor ask anxiously if I’ve changed my mind. I assure them that my mind will not be changed; it’s just a very long drive for M & D to my state for a mere 15-minute checkup.

M, D, W, my mom, and I were escorted back to the ultrasound room, and we were all delighted to find that the office had JUST gotten brand new, state of the art 4D equipment. My mom sat by me and held my hand while LM’s soon-to-be-family stood by the big screen, waiting to see LM! Every time I go back for an ultrasound, I am so relieved to discover that LM is growing and developing just fine. I’m sure every expectant mother has fears that something could be wrong with her baby, and I am no different. Well, LM is absolutely adorable, and absolutely perfect. We got some excellent pictures of his face, hands, and little feet. Such a relief!! And it was very sweet to watch M, D, and W during the ultrasound. They are excellent parents, and W will make a wonderful big sister for LM. It’s so strange to see this precious little baby look so much like me. It’s quite overwhelming at times, actually.

After the ultrasound, we all headed back to my parents house. W loved meeting my baby niece, and played very beautifully with her. I can tell she is excited to finally be a big sister. D and my brother had a little jam session with their guitar and mandolin that night, and we all had a Johnny Cash/Merle Haggard sing-along. Later, I played piano and sang a couple songs, and it was a fun time for everyone. M & D left the next morning, and I was sad to see them go.

Having LM’s future family here to visit is a big stress reliever, and also a very fun time. I have always been an extraverted social person, and because we are trying to keep this pregnancy from certain family members and acquaintances that do not need to know, I basically cannot leave my parents house in my hometown when I am staying there. That part has been very hard; some days go by very quickly, while others seem to drag on forever. Loneliness is something I’ve become very well acquainted with this year, along with its friends Anxiety, Insecurity, Pain, and Helplessness. Thankfully I know how to use these new “friends” to get closer to Jesus instead of drawing away from Him, and I am so thankful for my relationship with Him. I can’t even imagine how hard this process would be otherwise.

In other news, Little Man is growing exponentially! I am officially 29 weeks and 1 day, and I have felt a significant change in his size over the past few days. For example, I woke up about 3972045 times last night because he was apparently practicing gymnastics in my stomach. I took the glucose tolerance test last week – three hours and four needle sticks while fasting, the whole annoying deal – and passed. Hooray. So far I have only gained 21 pounds since becoming pregnant (my mom is a registered dietician, a fact that is both a blessing and sometimes a pain in the butt). I’m a very healthy eater, but it wouldn’t hurt me to exercise more. Again, this is hard to do when I can’t even go walk at the park without seeing someone I know. I suppose I’ll have to start wearing disguises.

I finally remembered to ask my doctor how many people would be allowed in the room during my scheduled C-section; he said the standard answer is one, but VERY rarely they allow two.  That one person will be my mother.  I don’t remember if I have mentioned it before on this blog, but I requested a C-section to make things easier for everyone involved. That way, M, D, and their family will know when to book plane tickets, it will be easier on me emotionally, and in the event of any complications it won’t be a rushed decision; it will be planned.

God keeps giving me Psalms 3 as an encouragement; sometimes my emotions get the better of me and I become very anxious about the birth and adoption. There are so many conflicting reports from birth mothers about how they felt after the baby was born, whether they regretted their decision or not, etc. I have been learning daily how to trust – on a new level – in His plan, and trust that He will take care of me and give me the strength to do what I know is His will in this situation. He continues to give me peace that passes all understanding – something I truly understand now.

“But You, O Lord, are a shield about me; my Glory, and the Lifter up of my head. I cried to the Lord with my voice, and He heard me from His holy hill. I lay down and slept; I awoke, for the Lord sustained me.” ~Psalms 3:3-5~