White Trash Scenario, Tornados, Finals.. The List Goes On

This has been a rough week. Yesterday was the hardest day. I have previously mentioned that I had an abortion when I was younger; it not only sent me spiraling into a deep depression for a long time, but it also added to the demise of the only serious relationship I have ever had. This guy – I will call him A – and I were together for over four years, and were involved in every aspect of each other’s lives. While I know in my heart that the end of our relationship was for the best, it was still extremely hard to move on with my life and let him go.

Last summer, I found out from my aunt that A was dating my 30something year old cousin. My cousin – whom I will refer to as K – is quite a bit older than A, and they met at holiday dinners that I brought A to when we were dating. Uhhhhhhh, can you say OUCH?! After I found out the news, I drove around aimlessly for a while and finally parked in a parking lot where I proceeded to cry my eyes out for hours. To say that I was devastated would be a gross understatement. I was heartbroken, and very wounded that my cousin would do something like this, knowing how long A and I were together and how much I was involved with him. I missed all of our traditional family gatherings at Thanksgiving and Christmas because I could not bear to see K.

Fast forward to yesterday. By this time, I have managed to choose to forgive them both and I knew they were still casually seeing each other. While I have forgiven them, that does not mean I want to see them or have any other interaction with them. My mom said, “I have some hard news to tell you; your dad and I found out yesterday that A & K are pregnant.” What a classic white-trash scenario, eh? Keepin’ it all in the family!

This news would have absolutely devastated me six months ago. While it still hurt, I was not surprised. Apparently, A is going to move in with K and help raise their baby. Awesome… The main thing that upsets me currently about their relationship is the fact that A will possibly always be a member of my family. He will be at family gatherings. He will be around MY family, whom he conveniently already knows because WE DATED FOR FOUR YEARS. Gross. I guess that frees up my schedule at the holidays for the rest of my life because I definitely won’t be going to my aunt’s house for awhile, if ever.

It would be so easy to let myself get angry and allow bitterness to build in my heart. But, I refuse to allow A & K to have that much control over my emotions, and I refuse to turn on my beliefs. Situations like this test one’s faith and convictions, and I am determined to pass this test.

So, that was the first big blow of upsetting news I received yesterday.

I decided to get on facebook and see what everyone is up to while I am in self-inflicted isolation. Baby Daddy pops up on my newsfeed, and guess what he is doing this week?! Partying on the beach in Florida. Normally this wouldn’t bother me, but yesterday it really got under my skin. It must be nice that the only responsibility and inconvenience to him regarding this pregnancy was signing his parental termination of rights and dropping them off in my parents’ mailbox. It must be nice that his body isn’t being completely reconstructed to create a beautiful baby boy that he helped conceive. It must be nice that he can party every day and pretend the situation doesn’t exist. It must be nice.

However, if the tables were turned and I was in his position instead of mine, I can’t honestly say I would not be doing the same thing. That is all I have to say about that.

Next, as the day dragged on and became evening, a huge tornado leveled several towns in my state and I had friends in the ER. Needless to say, yesterday was a rough freaking day emotionally.

On top of all of those things, I have a huge test next week and then finals the week after that. Trying to study, get huge year-end projects completed, and memorize all the stuff I am supposed to while simultaneously dealing with “pregnancy brain” aka “I can’t remember anything ever” and the constant anxiety I have regarding the future/my current pregnancy seems an insurmountable task.

Dear Jesus, help.

5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. wifeandmotherinoneday
    Apr 29, 2014 @ 09:03:37

    Oh man, that’s a lot to take in in such a short period of time. If they say bad things happen in 3s, you may be free and clear of bad news for a while. One can hope : ) Saying prayers for you today!



  2. bibbitybobbitybump
    May 05, 2014 @ 21:32:08

    Wth?! First time I got pregnant, I was also subjected to pictures of Baby Daddy living it up on some island somewhere with half-naked women. Sometimes life is just not fair.

    (Your cousin getting pregnant with your ex-almost-fiance’s-baby is pretty much the epitome of not fair.)

    Pregnancy itself kind of sucks (I guess for a lot of people it’s great, but for me it sucked). But you’re getting an all-out hurricane of suck instead of the standard pregnancy rainy season. I’m sorry. 😦



    • mockingbird67
      May 17, 2014 @ 13:17:04

      Thank you!! Yes, pregnancy in itself is kind of awful, in my opinion. Keeping it secret plus all this other wonderful drama has made it exponentially awful!! But such is life I guess.. Glad someone sympathizes! lol:)



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